Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
