I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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