It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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