Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
