I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
