Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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