So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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