you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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