Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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