Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
