Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
