so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
