btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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