"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
