I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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