Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
