it was like his penis was on wheels.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im six kinds of drunk right now
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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