you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
