i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
