Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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