We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
