Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
