"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
