In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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