they need to just BURY HIM!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
