Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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