you guys were way drunker than both of me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
