I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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