oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He did a backflip because drugs
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