My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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