No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
