i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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