Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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