I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
