In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
