Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
