I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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