Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
