I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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