At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
