mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
