Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
