your room smells of hookers.
And success
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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