His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
