i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
