Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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