she is the kim kardashian of front butts
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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