I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
