so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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