Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
