Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
