I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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