I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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