Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
