I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
