my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
