You're my little dorito
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
