ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
