there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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