I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
